The Salvations of Abda
One sad day, the girl set her cow free. The dear beast could no longer produce milk. The weeds gave out with the early snows of fall. When the authorities found Hope, weeks later, she was emaciated. Young boys were throwing stones at her as she recklessly stumbled from a vacant lot towards a freeway off-ramp.
By this time, Hope was so ill that she could not even qualify as veal or even beef to ground into a Chipotle taco. The girl's dreams of winning a 4-H ribbon, or of one day owning a grass-fed herd for her award-winning dairy, were now dashed, well beyond gone. It was a tragic story for all concerned.
~~~~~
It was the commercial airline part that interested Nalini and I. Flying the newly named Abba to our second home in Jaipur would benefit Abda so much more than keeping her here at our townhome in Santa Fe. Finding a qualified pet sitter had been proving more and more difficult, and besides, Nalini was already on the task of applying to ESA.
"I don't think it's going to be a very big deal," she said," it's clear from these questions that people are simply being terribly deceptive, and lying through their hearts with their answers.
"This questionnaire is a joke. There can't possibly be so many emotionally disturbed people needing support animals out there. Nobody checks or even cares. It's a joke!
"We'll only have to fudge on a couple of answers," she concluded. "only a little bit more than other people do."
"Fudge?" On what?"
"Only about her species, her height, and weight. And we'll need to find a doctor to certify her." she paused. "Doesn't your brother have a doctorate in something?"
"Yeah, uh, Ornamental Horticulture, I think, with a minor in Esoteric Landscaping."
"Perfect!" Nalini was right to her phone and with my brother, Darrin, who had just been fired via Email from his position as General Inspector for the Department of Agriculture.
He was eager to help us, "Yeah, fuck the system!" he added. "Just tell me what to do..."
Everything worked out better than we could have planned it. It turns out that there are absolutely no discretionary rules regarding an ESA pet's maximum weight, size, or even species concerning ESA
from: Sixteen Hours in Qatar
a collection of short stories
Nalini meant it as a joke when she said, "You know, honey, why don't we register Adba as an ESA animal?" Abda, which we were told means 'calamity' in Sanskrit, is our rescued animal. She had been placed in the Santa Fe Animal Shelter after being abandoned in a field and labeled unadoptable.
Authorities knew the cow's back story well enough. She had been raised from a newborn, the pet of a hope-filled twelve-year-old girl. The cow's name was Hope, but we later named her Abda, meaning calamity in Sanskrit. The girl was raising her to become a 4-H show animal. She was also this girl's pet.
Hope's luck began to run out when the young woman became pregnant. Her parents soon disowned her and her cow. Soon, the young woman was working street corners, hustling with Abda, selling raw milk for five dollars a cup. At night, Abda grazed the outer weeds by the park while the girl slept just beyond the lights on picnic tables.
One sad day, the girl set her cow free. The dear beast could no longer produce milk. The weeds gave out with the early snows of fall. When the authorities found Hope, weeks later, she was emaciated. Young boys were throwing stones at her as she recklessly stumbled from a vacant lot towards a freeway off-ramp.
By this time, Hope was so ill that she could not even qualify as veal or even beef to ground into a Chipotle taco. The girl's dreams of winning a 4-H ribbon, or of one day owning a grass-fed herd for her award-winning dairy, were now dashed, well beyond gone. It was a tragic story for all concerned.
Hope was lost, but then Abda was born.
~~~~~
If you are not familiar with the ESA program, the acronym stands for 'Essentially Spoiled Animals'*(2). Registering your pet with this service allows you and your pet access to restaurants, supermarkets, liquor stores, and even commercial airplanes, so long as your pet is leashed or confined.
It was the commercial airline part that interested Nalini and I. Flying the newly named Abba to our second home in Jaipur would benefit Abda so much more than keeping her here at our townhome in Santa Fe. Finding a qualified pet sitter had been proving more and more difficult, and besides, Nalini was already on the task of applying to ESA.
"I don't think it's going to be a very big deal," she said," it's clear from these questions that people are simply being terribly deceptive, and lying through their hearts with their answers.
"This questionnaire is a joke. There can't possibly be so many emotionally disturbed people needing support animals out there. Nobody checks or even cares. It's a joke!
"We'll only have to fudge on a couple of answers," she concluded. "only a little bit more than other people do."
"Fudge?" On what?"
"Only about her species, her height, and weight. And we'll need to find a doctor to certify her." she paused. "Doesn't your brother have a doctorate in something?"
"Yeah, uh, Ornamental Horticulture, I think, with a minor in Esoteric Landscaping."
"Perfect!" Nalini was right to her phone and with my brother, Darrin, who had just been fired via Email from his position as General Inspector for the Department of Agriculture.
He was eager to help us, "Yeah, fuck the system!" he added. "Just tell me what to do..."
Everything worked out better than we could have planned it. It turns out that there are absolutely no discretionary rules regarding an ESA pet's maximum weight, size, or even species concerning ESA
animals. The Fair Housing Act has cleared a path for everyone to have an ESA pet. It's literally a free-for-all! Free, except for the option to pay bogus charges to internet scams that might file for you.
Isn't (wasn't) America great?
*1- "Who'll Stop the Reyn", (soon to be available from Piedmont Publishing at a bookstore near you).
*2- ESA also known as- essentially spoiled adults.
Please note: This is a work of fiction. The author bears no grievance or ill feeling towards people, or their pets, who genuinely require ESA animals. I do object to those people who abuse the system and then parade their pets around just because the system is so easy to abuse.
Please 'like' if you do, 'comment' if you can, enjoy none the less. Thanks- dalton
Isn't (wasn't) America great?
*1- "Who'll Stop the Reyn", (soon to be available from Piedmont Publishing at a bookstore near you).
*2- ESA also known as- essentially spoiled adults.
Please note: This is a work of fiction. The author bears no grievance or ill feeling towards people, or their pets, who genuinely require ESA animals. I do object to those people who abuse the system and then parade their pets around just because the system is so easy to abuse.
Please 'like' if you do, 'comment' if you can, enjoy none the less. Thanks- dalton
(759)
Final note: Reyn is an eternity cat refuses ESA status, citing that any cat that can get around town in a Barbie Jeep and writes her own books is well beyond pet status.
CUT:
The short paperback features basic how-tos and a coloring book. It's filled with fun-filled tips and anecdotes to help ESA pets and their owners discover even more invasive ways to bond with their cuddle toys in a world of well-trained service animals. It is available at most PetSmarts and Barnes and Noble franchises. Buy a copy now!"
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from: Sixteen Hours in Qatar
a collection of short stories
My wife Nalini meant it as a joke- "Why not register Adba as an ESA animal now before we go to India?" Abba, which means 'calamity' in Sanskrit, is our rescue animal. We saved her from the Santa Fe Animal Shelter after she was abandoned and considered unadoptable. The calf had been raised from a newborn to a calf by a hope-filled twelve-year-old girl. Adba was being groomed as a show animal as well as this girl's pet.
Readers are probably familiar with the ESA pet program from reading Reyn's popular book "Who'll Stop the Reyn" *(1). If you haven't read her book, and are not familiar with ESA, the acronym stands for 'Essentially Spoiled Animals'*(2). Registering your pet with this service allows your pet access to restaurants, supermarkets, liquor stores, and even commercial airplanes, with you on a leash.
But the young woman became pregnant. Soon after her parents disowned her. At first, the young woman and Abda would pay
walk the streets together but they parted ways when Abda could no longer produce milk. When the authorities found Abda boys were throwing stones at the emaciated young cow who was awkwardly stumbling away. By then, Edba couldn't even qualify to become veal or even burger beef. The girl's dreams of 4-H and a future with Abda were over. It became a sad story for all concerned.
Readers are probably familiar with the ESA pet program from reading Reyn's popular book "Who'll Stop the Reyn" *(1). If you haven't read her book, and are not familiar with ESA, the acronym stands for 'Essentially Spoiled Animals'*(2). Registering your pet with this service allows your pet access to restaurants, supermarkets, liquor stores, and even commercial airplanes, with you on a leash.
It was commercial airlines that interested us. Flying Abba to our home in Jaipur would benefit her more than keeping her here at our townhome in Santa Fe. Finding a qualified pet sitter had been proving more and more difficult, and besides, Nalini was already on the task of applying to ESA.
"I don't think it's going to be a very big deal," she said," it's obvious from these qualifying questions that most people are being terribly deceptive, or lying their hearts out with their answers. This questionnaire is a joke. There can't possibly be as many emotionally disturbed people as there are support animals out there. And nobody checks or even cares" she concluded, We'll only have to fudge our answers a little bit more than other people do."
"Fudge? Like fudge on what?" I asked, not wanting to be deceptive
"Only on her species and her weight. And we'll need to find a doctor to certify her." she paused, "Doesn't your brother have a doctorate in something?"
"Uh, yeah, horticulture, with a minor in esoteric landscaping"
"Perfect!" Nalini was soon on the phone with my brother, Darrin. He had just been fired by Email from his position as General Inspector for the Department of Agriculture. He was eager to help us, "Yeah, fuck the system!" he added. "Just tell me what to do..."
Everything worked out as if we had planned it. Turns out that there are no discriminatory rules regarding maximum weight or for the species concerning ESA animals. The Fair Housing Act has cleared the path for anyone wishing to have an ESA pet. It's literally a free for all! Free except for the bogus charges companies charge to file for you.
Isn't (wasn't) America great? Final note: Reyn refuses ESA status, citing that any cat that can get around town in a Barbie Jeep and writes her own books is well beyond pet status.
*1- "Who'll Stop the Reyn", (soon to be available from Piedmont Publishing at a bookstore near you).
*2- ESA also known as- essentially spoiled adults.
Please note: the author bears no grievance or ill feeling towards people who are honestly in need of ESA animals. I do object to those people who abuse the system and then parade their pets around just because the system is so easy to abuse.
Please 'like' if you do, 'comment' if you can, enjoy none the less. Thanks- dalton
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613 words
(30)
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